The Apprentice Week One Review: Burgers

The Apprentice Week One Review: Burgers

5 October 2017

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Credit: BBCPhoto Credit: BBC / Jim Marks. 

From the moment you hear Prokofiev’s stirring score, you know that the biggest recruitment process in the UK is back on TV. Last night, The Apprentice returned to BBC1 with aplomb. There were egos, dramas, sniping and a general lack of common sense. Ah yes, and a recruitment consultant.

Eighteen walking clichés will spend the next months trying to convince Lord Sugar that they are, indeed, worthy of his £250,000 investment to start their own business. Judging from last night’s performances, I would be loathe to give them £2.50.

It all started off okay; the candidates introduced themselves with various taglines such as “I’m going to get on the bus, take the wheel and take that investment from Lord Sugar” or “I used to be known as Scary Liz.” But once the formalities were pushed aside, and the teams had to get down to business, the problems started.

To begin with, deciding on a team name was problematic. The girls opted for Graphene (apparently, a hard stone) and the boys went for Vitality (which sounds like one of those breakfast drinks). The task, this week, was to come up with two different kinds of burgers, make them and sell them.

Needless to say, both teams were less than useless, with the boys missing the lunchtime trade altogether, wrongly labelling their products as organic and generally have no sales technique whatsoever. The girls didn’t fare much better – they took to literally punching the meat into submission. Candidate Siobhan – who looks like Booberella from The Simpsons – took females in business back thirty years when she suggested that the more attractive amongst them should sell to men as “guys like that sort of thing.”

Their sales strategies out on the street were absolutely embarrassing. Would you buy meat from a person standing waving a packet of burgers at you in the street? Anisa seemed to think that telling prospective buyers that the products were “um, er, full of meat” was the best way to secure a sale. Wow. No one has learned that constantly talking over each other doesn’t win tasks.

There was also a weird thing going on with eyewear last night. As a glasses wearer myself, I couldn’t understand why these people seemed to have acquired theirs from a novelty bag. Charles looked like he was wearing the frames the optician uses to put in different lenses whilst Michaela’s looked like she had found bits of wire on her way to the TV studios and had fashioned them together.

Ultimately, the boys lost the task as they had spent too much on meat and not enough time on the streets. Project Manager Danny took Charles and Elliot back in to the boardroom to face the wrath of Lord Sugar with him, but was ultimately fired himself.

Next week sees an interior decorating task. If their painting is anything like their selling …

The Apprentice is on BBC1 on Wednesdays at 9pm.

 

 

Written By Mary Palmer

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